The Hurt Feelings Report form serves as a humorous outlet for individuals wishing to document their emotional distress in a tongue-in-cheek manner. By filling out this form, users seek to express their feelings and perhaps garner some sympathy from others. If you find yourself in need of a hug or support, consider filling out the form by clicking the button below.
In today’s world, where emotions often run high and interpersonal interactions can lead to misunderstandings, the Hurt Feelings Report form emerges as a humorous yet curious tool. Designed with a lighthearted approach, this form serves a unique purpose: it allows individuals to document instances when their feelings have been hurt. To initiate the process, it is essential to physically hand the form to a law enforcement officer, ensuring a proper channel for reporting. The form collects basic information about the "whiner," including their name, age, and the specifics of the hurtful incident, such as when and where it occurred. It even probes whether anyone offered sympathy at the time, inviting a lighthearted perspective on what constitutes emotional support. The inquiry extends to the injury itself, asking respondents to reflect on the impact of the hurtful words. Users can also detail their reasons for filing the report, ranging from personal sensitivities to external circumstances that may have contributed to their feelings. To add a touch of accountability, the form requires signatures for authenticity, collecting both the whiner's and the reporter’s names. While the Hurt Feelings Report form adopts a playful tone, its underlying aim is clear: to acknowledge and validate emotional experiences, however trivial they may seem to some.
HURT FEELINGS REPORT
To use this form, it must be physically placed in the hands of any Law Enforcement Officer
DATA REQUIRED BY THE PRIVACY ACT OF 1974
AUTHORITY: PRINCIPAL PURPOSE:
ROUTINE USES:
DISCLOSURE:
S USC 301, Departmental Regulation, 10 USC 3013 and a log of other regulations too To assist whiners in documenting hurt feelings
Whiners should use this form to seek sympathy from someone who cares
Disclosure is voluntary, however, repeated whining may lead to your file being stamped "candy ass" or some other appropriate term
PART I - ADMINISTRATIVE DATA
A. WHINER'S NAME (Last, First, MI)
B. WHINER'S AGE
C. WHINER'S SEX
D. DATE OF REPORT
E. TYPE OF WHINE USED
F. NAME OF THE PERSON FILLING OUT THIS FORM
PART II - INCIDENT REPORT
A. DATE FEELINGS WERE HURT
B. TIME OF HURTFULNESS
C. LOCATION OF HURTFUL COMMENTS
D. WAS ANYONE SYMPATHETIC TO WHINER (Please include paid witnesses)
E. NAME OF PERSON WHO HURT YOUR PANSY ASS FEELINGS
F. HOW LONG DID YOU WHINE
G. WHICH FEELINGS WERE HURT
PART III - INJURY
(Circle all that apply)
1. WHICH EAR WERE THE HURTFULL WORDS SPOKEN INTO?
2. IS THERE PERMANENT FEELING DAMAGE?
LEFT
RIGHT
BOTH
YES
NO
MAYBE
3. DID YOU REQUIRE A "TISSUE" FOR TEARS?
4. HAS THIS RESULTED IN A TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY?
MULTIPLE
PART IV - REASON FOR
FILING THIS REPORT
(Mark all that apply)
I am thin skinned
The Dept needs to fix my problems
Two beers is not enough
I am a wimp
My feelings are easily hurt
My hands should be in my pockets
I have woman / man-like hormones
I didn't sign up for this
I was not offered a tissue
I am a crybaby
I was told that I am not a hero
Someone requested a tissue
I want my mommy
The weather is too cold
All of the above and more
NARRATIVE (Tell us in your own sissy words how your feelings were hurt, as if anyone cared)
PART V - AUTHENTICATION
A. PRINTED REPORTER NAME (if you wish to be labeled too)
B. SIGNATURE (are you sure about this?)
C. PRINTED WHINER NAME (you really are going out on a limb here) D. SIGNATURE OF WHINER (you have got to be shitting me!)
We, as the Dept, take hurt feelings seriously. If you don't have someone who can give you a hug and make things all better, please let us know and we will promptly dispatch a "hugger" to you ASAP. In the event a "hugger cannot be found, an EMS Team will be dispatched to soak your socks in coal oil to prevent ants from crawling up your leg and eating their way up your candy ass. If you are in need of supplemental support, upon written request, we will make every reasonable effort to prvide you with a "blankie", a "binky" and/or a bottle if you so desire.
When completing the Hurt Feelings Report form, it’s essential to provide accurate information for each section. A thorough and carefully filled out form will help ensure your case is acknowledged promptly. Follow these steps to complete the form effectively.
Once you have finished filling out the form, ensure that it is submitted in person to a Law Enforcement Officer. They will process your report according to their protocols.
What is the purpose of the Hurt Feelings Report form?
The Hurt Feelings Report form is designed for individuals who feel their feelings have been hurt and wish to document the incident. It allows for the expression of grievances in a structured manner, ultimately seeking some sympathy or acknowledgment from authorities.
Who qualifies as a "whiner" on this form?
A "whiner" refers to anyone who feels their feelings have been unjustly hurt by the actions or words of others. The term is meant to be light-hearted and is not intended to belittle the emotional experiences of anyone using the form.
What kind of information do I need to provide?
You will need to fill out both administrative data and details regarding the incident that caused the hurt feelings. This includes your name, age, the date and time the incident occurred, and other relevant details as prompted by the form.
How do I submit the form?
The form must be physically submitted to a law enforcement officer. It cannot be submitted digitally or through other means. This requirement emphasizes the seriousness with which the department approaches these concerns.
Is it mandatory to fill out all parts of the form?
While it’s encouraged to provide as much detail as possible, filling out every section is not strictly mandatory. However, not providing enough information may limit the department's ability to address your concerns adequately.
What happens after I submit the form?
Once the form is submitted, the department will review your report. They take hurt feelings seriously and may dispatch support, including a "hugger" if needed. Depending on the nature of the report, they may also offer additional resources or follow-ups.
Will my information be kept confidential?
The form suggests that while disclosure is voluntary, sharing personal feelings may lead to informal labels being assigned. How the information is handled could vary, so it's best to clarify with the department about confidentiality policies.
Can I file this report for someone else?
The form is meant for individuals filing on their own behalf. If you believe someone else is in distress, encourage them to fill out the form themselves to ensure their feelings are accurately represented.
Are there any consequences for filing this report?
There are no formal consequences for submitting a Hurt Feelings Report. However, the form humorously suggests that frequent reports may lead to the designation of being overly sensitive, which serves as a light-hearted reminder to consider the context of your feelings.
What support or resources does the department offer?
The department is committed to offering various types of emotional support, which include the dispatch of “huggers” and additional comfort items like blankets or bottles. They aim to provide a compassionate response, regardless of the situation.
When filling out the Hurt Feelings Report form, many individuals overlook crucial details. One common mistake is failing to complete all required administrative data in Part I. Information such as the whiner’s name, age, and sex is essential. Inaccurate or incomplete data may lead to difficulties processing the report or a lack of follow-up.
Another frequent error is neglecting to document the incident accurately in Part II. This section asks for specifics about the date, time, and location of the hurtful comments. Providing vague details can hinder the ability of law enforcement to understand the situation. Specificity strengthens the report and ensures that your feelings receive the attention they deserve.
Many people also underestimate the importance of including eyewitnesses or sympathetic individuals in the incident report. This oversight can weaken the case. When listing potential witnesses, it’s beneficial to include anyone who was present or could validate the feelings being reported. This helps paint a fuller picture of the incident and enhances credibility.
Lastly, individuals often rush through the narrative section, which diminishes the impact of their report. Taking the time to articulate how one’s feelings were hurt is vital. It’s an opportunity to express emotions clearly. A thoughtful narrative can resonate more deeply with those reviewing the report, offering a chance for genuine sympathy and a potential resolution.
The Hurt Feelings Report form serves a unique purpose in documenting emotional distress, particularly in humorous contexts. It is often accompanied by several other forms and documents, which collectively address various aspects of emotional responses and informal complaints. Below is a list of related documents that often accompany the Hurt Feelings Report.
These forms and documents work together to create an environment that supports emotional expression and understanding. They enhance the process initiated by the Hurt Feelings Report, highlighting the importance of empathy and support in the face of personal distress.
When filling out the Hurt Feelings Report form, consider these do's and don'ts.
Here are some common misconceptions about the Hurt Feelings Report form that deserve clarification:
Understanding these misconceptions helps clarify the intent and use of the Hurt Feelings Report. It's meant to be lighthearted, not a serious resource for addressing genuine emotional distress.
When completing the Hurt Feelings Report form, it is important to understand its purpose and how to submit it correctly. Here are seven key takeaways:
By following these key points, individuals can navigate the form efficiently and ensure their concerns are addressed appropriately.
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